Loud music and bar food at Tolsty Mo Cafe

Issue Number: 
510
Author: 
By the DEAL MAKER / The Russia Journal
Published: 
2003-02-14


The Fat Mo Cafe (Tolsty Mo, in Russian) is located not far from the Kievsky train station and next to the Dorogomilovsky market. As anyone knows who has been to this market, it is a microcosm of the ethnic groups that make up the former Soviet Union. Going to Fat Mo, on the other hand, is like visiting vintage America during the 1920s and 1930s – like visiting a foreign country in a different time.

Calling Fat Mo a "cafe" involves a bit of a misnomer; it is really more of a pub in the English sense, despite its American motif. The venue’s theme is strictly lifted from the film "Once Upon a Time in America." The walls are adorned with pictures of the actors in this famous film, as well other objects that evoke Chicago’s gangster years. Old gramophones and telephones are also attractively displayed.

There is a certain sense of clutter to the place, but it is eclectic and pleasing. The hard oak tables and bar give the place an ambience of warmth and friendliness.

This writer, along with a colleague, visited Fat Mo at 6:30 p.m. on a Wednesday. The number of clients sitting in the cafe was small; however, all the unoccupied tables were designated as "reserved." With no tables available, we were shown to the limited number of barstools available for unexpected guests – which, clearly, my friend and I were.

With a picture of Robert De Niro looking straight at me, we received menus that were decidedly not American in content. You will not find an American double cheeseburger or meatloaf at Fat Mo: The cuisine is decidedly Russian, with Tex-Mex chicken wings thrown in. As our meeting was informal, beer was at the top of our order list.

The selection of domestic and imported beer is something this beer drinker smiled upon. However, as an American, I was very embarrassed that American Budweiser was being promoted by the bar staff.

Reason and good taste demanded that we choose anything but a U.S. import, and Czech Budweiser was our collective and pleasurable alternative. Americana is fine from time to time, but Bud is one reason to live forever aboard.

As I already alluded to, the menu is simple. As this reviewer has yet to be introduced to fine Russian cuisine, a large order of chicken wings was ordered as a starter. The beer was delivered to us within minutes: We were sitting at the bar, after all. The wings arrived 20 minutes after placing the order.

After two beers, the main course was ordered. My colleague decided upon the wild boar joint, which was described as "a joint of wild boar, baked in mustard sauce with fried potatoes and fresh vegetables." I went for what the menu called "pork ‘Bronx.’" This dish was described as "pork fillet, fried in sauce."

Moments after we placed our order, the chicken wings arrived, as well as the guests who had reserved tables. During the course of one hour, Fat Mo was packed. If I had paid closer attention, I would have noticed earlier that every Wednesday night (Fridays and Saturdays as well) is jazz/blues night at Fat Mo. We suddenly realized that this is probably the cafe’s main attraction.

The chicken wings were fine, tangy with a rich dip to cool the little morsels. A basket of fresh bread was delivered as an accompaniment. As we finished our starter, the band started to play. Halfway into the first set, our main course arrived, meaning in about 25 minutes.

The music is fantastic! It was hard to believe a band of four Russian men and a Russian woman, none of whom are able to speak conversational English, could sing in an accent from below the Mason-Dixon Line. But the music is also loud. If you and your companion have something to talk about, do it before the bandstand goes into action. You will lose your voice if you don’t.

The main courses were fine – because we were hungry. The entertainment at Fat Mo is its best selling point. The food is bar food. Both our orders were heavy – and, though tasty enough, the wild boar joint could have been my pork "Bronx" and the other way around. The service is friendly, though a tad slow. Most of the waiters and waitresses can speak some English. There is no face control or heavies wearing leather coats checking the clientele.

Fat Mo is moderately priced: Most of the main courses are within the range of 300-400 rubles. Imported beer stands at the city norm of about 100 rubles a half-liter. This writer also noticed that Fat Mo is a place for regulars. Many patrons know the wait staff by name, and the wait staff clearly know the patrons’ alcohol preference.

In sum, Fat Mo is a Moscow Cheers. Seeing friends and a friendly face, along with a few beers and good music, is Fat Mo’s calling card. It is a fun place, but call in with a reservation to be on the safe side.

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