After spending almost 20 years with the United Nations, both on the governmental and secretariat sides, I have many friends among Americans, Afghans and Arabs. While most have not been directly involved in the ongoing tragic events, I can vouch for the fact that they are suffering from what is unfolding.

I am naturally a questioner by inclination, and in recent conversations with these people I have found myself searching frantically for answers. In a conflict that involves protagonists of different faiths and outlooks on life, conclusions are not easy to reach and involve scrutinizing everything that many of us hold dear.

For me, it started as I watched the congressmen on Capitol Hill singing "God Bless America" shortly after the blasts, and found myself wondering how the God they were calling on allowed the World Trade Center to be destroyed, when these same people had called for his blessing many times before. Hadn't they called loudly enough?

Did the congressmen remember the words of Thomas Jefferson, the third U.S. president: "Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just"? But if God had wanted to punish America, why did he do it so indiscriminately, without sorting out the wheat from the chaff? Why, why, why?

Now, weeks later, as I watch the flickering TV images of Afghanistan being bombed while Muslims pray the words "Allahu akbar," I am again overwhelmed with questions.

If America has God's blessing for its righteous campaign in Afghanistan that brings death to many innocent Afghans, are we talking about the same God who didn't prevent the terrorists' attacks on the United States?

Has he switched sides, or was Voltaire right when he declared that God is always on the side of the big battalions? Why doesn't the Almighty simply lead a U.S. missile to Bin Laden's lair? Maybe God establishes a balance of victims on both sides, in which case many more will die in Afghanistan. If that is the case, why do Afghans insist "Allahu akbar"? Questions, questions, questions.

I was plagued by similar questions a little more than two years ago when several apartment blocks were blown up in Moscow and other Russian cities. I could not reconcile the death and destruction with the widespread belief in Russia that the country is under the patronage of the Holy Mother of God.

I have never been able to quite work out what Russia has ever done to deserve this patronage, but pondering our problems in Chechnya as well as our chaotic economy, it doesn't seem to have helped much – unless things would have been even worse without it…

The Russian Orthodox Church's hope for exclusive heavenly protection is nothing exceptional. Every human being wants equality for all and a kind of exemption card for him or herself.

History provides us with many examples of nations – to say nothing of individuals – being more equal than others in this way. The right opportunities and weaponry allowed for the conquest of India, the Americas, Australia, Siberia and Africa. Most of the conquerors believed in divine providence.

But today providence has changed. It is no longer predictable, and it seems impossible to figure out any clear governing concept. Sometimes I can easily imagine the existence of at least two gods. This supposition makes everything more logical: The two Titans cannot divide their spheres of interest and are fighting for superiority in every possible way.

Why not? Look at ancient Greece and Rome, where their many gods intrigued, squabbled and even mutinied. All their heroic tiffs resulted in human suffering, of which the most notorious was the Trojan War – a 10-year conflict sparked by three women unable to share an apple. Life was tough back then, with no TV, supermarkets or deodorant – not to mention the unpleasant possibility of being sold into slavery – but when it came to the God-man interface, at least everything was clear and logical.

Unfortunately, today's theologians insist there is only one God. There is no choice, just a monopoly.

The other day I heard a priest singing the hymn "Glorious are thy works, my Lord," and I was thinking about Socrates who said, "There's only one God – knowledge, and only one devil – ignorance." I wanted to ask the priest's view of Socrates' statement, but finally decided against it. My queries always put me in a predicament.

(The writer is a retired U.N. worker who lives in Moscow.)